Dream come true / My Simpsons character

Thanks to a tip from fellow Simpsons fanatic and Cooper colleague Chris Noessel, I discovered that I could generate a Simpsons character with my likeness on the Simpsons Movie site. Holy crap. Truly, a dream come true. Now the only thing left is to have my likeness drawn in the Wall Street Journal “hedcut” style [a PDF on the Dow Jones site about how pictures become WSJ-ready].

And it’s me, right? Except there were no options for beards, which is strange considering that there are quite a few bearded Simpsons characters. Homer’s got a perpetual five o’clock shadow; God has a flowing white beard; Hyman Krustofski has the impressive ZZ Top-style beard befitting a cartoon rabbi; Dr. Marvin Monroe has a beard that is more like mine. So there’s got to be lots of existing styles to choose from.

When I did a Google search for “simpsons beard,” I discovered that Simpsons creator Matt Groening is a self-described beardo, as revealed in this email chat from 1993: “I’ve been mistaken more than once for Stephen King, Leonard Maltin has been mistaken for me, but I think I look more like a bearded hippie verson of Homer Simpson.” (This chat took place on Prodigy, of course. Wow. Simpler times.)